filling out gender on forms gives me a lot of anxiety but i honestly don’t know if that is a form of gender queerness or if it is just some level of me refusing to recognize cisgender privilege since I’m very comfortable presenting as a woman… but i do think about a lot how even if i did stick to a genderqueer identity i would consider myself as having passing privilege but really it’s more than that because I’m also not bothered by she-pronouns I just also like the idea of he and they and ze too. but isn’t that sort of the nature of being cisgender, that you’re not bothered? but a part of me is always kind of like “but is ‘woman’ really the full story?” idk gender is messed up and dumb
Nope. Not being bothered is not cis privelege my friend. You as an individual are free to explore your gender and to discover whatever it may be or if you even have one etc. There are a lot of cis people who do care a lot about what their gendered pronouns are believe me. So much so it feeds into trans misogyny when cis men are called women or girls to degrade and deride them (to be fair trans misogyny is misogyny as trans women are women but they experience misogyny in a different way sometimes because they are trans, just like afab non-binary peeps also experience misogyny because they are often misgendered as female but all of this comes from the societal and systematic hatred of femininity or anything deemed feminine/for women).
For me personally there was a time when I didn’t care what pronouns people used for me because they all sounded and felt right but that is no longer the case and when I felt the way I do now switched to they/them pronouns. So really it’s all a matter of personal feelings on the matter.
Interestingly enough when you explain what it means to be non-binary to people some of them start to question the binary gender system and stereotypes that have been foisted upon them all their lives. For most people they can go their whole lives without examining their gender identity even if some parts of it are uncomfortable for them but when more people do they discover that they may not be what is defined as cisgendered.
Again gender is a social construct so it also has many external components for me that was the hardest thing because personally I know I’m not a woman but am constantly perceived by the world and society as a woman so that for a while even “tricking” people into using Sir for me felt better than Miss but now they kinda make me feel awful equally. For people who are genderfluid/genderqueer or non-binary this can be really confusing because the narratives we are given about gender are deeply fucked up in most cases. Basically binary gender is a colonialist/imperialist system used to dominate and subjugate cultures that didn’t have clear definitions between “male” and “female” ie a great many non-white and non-European nations. Basically blame white western people for the gender binary it didn’t exist in most other places in the world until they came an enslave/conquered and murdered the indigenous people living there: see India/both North and South America/Australia.
Sorry didn’t mean to write you a dissertation I just have a lot of feelings about gender is all. And it makes me upset when people post things about this and that meaning you’re “not trans enough” or talking about people who don’t experience body or social disphoria not being trans (which is bullshit). Only you can know what you are but being trans means you literally do not fully or wholly identify with the gender you were assigned at birth. That’s what it means whatever that means to you.